Saturday, April 24, 2010

Oh mummy!!

While waiting at the doctors office, much to my embarrassment and the delight of the rest of the room, H1 said the following to my protruding stomach...

"Hellooooooooo....anybody home?"

"Come out, come out where ever you are..."

Bringing water from the water dispenser for the umpteenth time, "You need to drink this. The baby is thirsty. No! she neeeeds water. You HAVE to drink it!"

"Is the doctor going to cut you up and take the baby out now? now? now? why not?"

and at home while looking through my belly button..."How come I can't see anything? It's too dark in there!"

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Double the Joy

Today is such a special day. My big girl is SIX YEARS old and my little girl is EIGHT MONTHS old!

My eldest hasn't changed much from the day she was born. She is still the same drama queen. She still knows how to push my buttons. She still is a little know-it-all. She still uses her 'outside' voice more than her 'inside' voice and need constant reminders to speak softly. She still surprises us with the little gems that comes out of her mouth. She still impresses us with the way she looks at the world. She still cries more number of times a day than her baby sister. But...she has changed in little delightful ways. She has become more gentler. She has become more lady like. She douses her self in baby cream and baby cologne before going out. Just yesterday she asked me if she looks like a model while wearing the new bikini she got from Puncha for her Birthday.

It's great to see her turning out to be such an independent, confident little girl. It's a little sad to see that she has lost most of her 'baby-ness.' It's exiting to see how she is changing yet scary to visualize what lies ahead when she becomes a tween and then a teen.

But there is one constant in all love and her father's love for her, our first born...

Meanwhile our second has turned eight months and delights us in everything she does. She is such a good natured baby. Her belly laughs make everyone around her go into helpless laughter. She started crawling exactly on the day she hit seven months and there's no stopping her now. She wakes us up in the morning at exactly 5.30 am by crawling up to us, jumping over us and patting the face till the poor sleepy mummy or daddy opens their eyes. She's eating better now and seems to like her food. She takes more formula as well. She growls when she is not happy. Points with her whole body the direction in which she wants us to take her. She still loves looking at birds, butterflies, ants and leaves shaking in the wind. Give her a toy and she either tries to see if it makes a noise by shaking it like a rattle or sees if it moves by moving it up and down on the floor like toy car. She loves to blow raspberries on my tummy or my face.

It's delightful to see her changing from a helpless baby to a baby that's learning to take charge of her world. It's fun to watch the wonder in her eyes when she discovers something for the first time. It's fascinating to watch her communicate her needs by using body language.

It's so easy to fall in love with this baby...our second born...

Monday, April 5, 2010

I am back! Am I? I don't know.....

Thank you so much everyone for all your encouraging comments. Just saw them now as I didn't even log into my account the past few weeks. It just got easier and easier just to ignore this blog and even the blogs I am so fond of reading. I think because writing comes from your soul and my soul needed a little rest...from what I don't know.

It doesn't help with the guilt that I have such a great life...a super husband, great kids and all that I need and here I am feeling blue. It doesn't help that hubby tells me about how cheerful the blind solders at the Ranaviru sevena are some of whom have no limbs. And here I am having everything I wish for, yet complaining of how dull my life has become.

Being a mom brings such conflicting emotions that sometimes my mind feels like a whirlwind. Part of me wants to get away from it all. The next second, I want to grab my baby and never ever let her go from my arms. Part of me is so exited about the prospect of dressing up nice again and having adult conversations. Part of me just sob at the thought of having to be away from my baby.

I question my decisions all the time. Am I doing the right thing? Is this what I really want? Will my babies be all right without me? Will they miss me? Will they cry? Am I harming them anyway by going back to work? It just goes on...

I am trying to ease it all for everybody as much as I can. I've found a loving person to look after them...the same 'Nanda' who brought up my husband and his brothers. She's like a second mother for them. I am slowly increasing the time I spend away from home. A few hours the first week, half a day the next and so on. So far both my kids are doing great. I am not officially starting work till May, but I am slowly geting everyone adjusted...including my self.

I am getting H2 used to formula. It doesn't help that every formula tin, book and doctor screams 'breast milk is best for your baby.' I am not taking her completely off breast milk. I am combo feeding and I did exclusively breast feed her for 7 months (why do I feel I need to give excuses and justify my self I don't know)

I think being a mom is the hardest thing in the world....